


water, water everywhere, nor any drop to drink

by entitled



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Drowning, F/M, Freeform, Insomnia, M/M, Multi, Nightmares, Non-Linear Narrative, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trust Issues, near-drowning, reference to major canon character death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-08
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-12 09:43:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5661718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/entitled/pseuds/entitled
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rey has trust issues. Poe has sleeping issues. Finn has too many issues to count and doesn't want to talk about any of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. a painted ocean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> work title and first chapter title both taken from 'the rime of the ancient mariner' by samuel taylor coleridge

Rey doesn’t trust unsealed water containers. For many reasons. She wrinkles her nose when Finn sits down across from her in the mess hall and his little cup sloshes water over its lip as his tray clatters to the table.

Firstly: Water, being a liquid, is susceptible to evaporation. Which means the amount of water you had in your unsealed container in the morning, has decreased by afternoon without you getting to drink any of it. A waste.

Secondly: Water, being a liquid, may be spilt out of unsealed containers (see Example A: Finn and his little water cup) leaving less water for possible consumption. Another waste.

Thirdly: Water, being a liquid, is able to dissolve some types of solids. Rey doesn’t trust other people. Other people do things. Other people slip hard-to-detect powders into unsealed containers of water that make people fall into instant sleep, lose their memory, and worse. Rey’s seen it happen. A waste of perfectly good water, she thinks. 

Rey doesn’t trust unsealed water containers. 

Rey also has some other trust issues, but she’s working on them. 

-

People use water on this planet like it’s disposable. Rey is constantly amazed at its uses. After being allocated her quarters she notices that she shares a bathroom with another person, whose door to the bathroom is on the opposite wall to hers. She quickly figures out that the doors are lockable on both sides, but only unlockable from the side it was locked from so as to prevent awkward (though Rey imagines possibly dangerous) encounters. Soon after, she meets a pilot named Jessika Pava, who has a stunning smile and talks faster than almost anyone Rey’s ever met. 

That same evening, Rey stands in the doorway between her bedroom and the bathroom and watches Jessika (“Jess, please, only my Baba calls me Jessika!”) brush her teeth. She’s torn between staring at the way the white paste on the toothbrush turns into white foam and the water running constantly from the tap, clear and cold. 

“Omyu mm uh mmm bruumm?” Jess asks through her toothbrush. Rey tilts her head and lifts an eyebrow.

“Sorry?” Jess leans over the basin, spits out the white foam and rinses her mouth and the toothbrush with the clean, steadily flowing water in a couple well-practiced movements. Several fat droplets fly out of the sink and land on the floor. Wasted.

“Do you have a toothbrush?” Jess asks, meeting Rey’s eyes in the mirror above the sink. 

“Uh, no.” Jessika’s brows furrow in consternation and thought for a moment before her face lights up. 

“I’ll be right back, wait for me!” With a flurry of movement - the toothbrush and its accompanying tube of paste go in a cup that sits on a flat lip that extends from the sink - Jess disappears. 

And returns proudly bearing a green toothbrush and a wide grin.

“It’s green!” Yes, Rey can see that. “Because I know you didn’t have very much green over on your home planet, and even though it’s super green here, I thought it might be nice to bring a little of that inside for you!” Something in Rey, some part of her coiled inside the tight nest of unexamined feelings that live in her chest, springs loose and unfurls hotly in her chest. Tears swell in her eyes and when they begin sliding down her cheeks Jess throws her arms around her and all Rey can get out are hiccupped thanks and the resisting of the reflex to throw the hug, instead to reciprocate it.

Less than an hour later, Jess has shown her how to brush her teeth (“Just use my toothpaste, it’s easier.”) and Rey is sitting on her bed in her quiet little room, marvelling at the smoothness and mintiness of her teeth. 

-

Rey doesn’t cry very often. She has several reasons for this.

Firstly: Tears are made of water, which is not easily come by on Jakku. Crying wastes water.

Secondly: Crying is a distraction when work can be done.

Thirdly: Crying doesn’t remind her family what they’ve left behind because they can’t hear her anyway. There’s no sense crying when it doesn’t achieve anything. It’s a waste.


	2. devotions upon emergent occasions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: this chapter contains graphic depictions of drowning/near-drowning.  
> also: i own nothing. star wars, its characters, planets, and all other associated aspects do not belong to me and i am not profiting from them.  
> this second chapter is up so soon because i really wanted to establish the story more firmly. next chapters will probably come out in the next few days. everything is very rey-centric at the moment, but that will change soon. feedback welcome, kudos appreciated :)  
> chapter title from 'devotions upon emergent occasions, and severall steps in my sickness' by john donne

Rey likes to walk outside the Base, to explore the lushness beyond. Occasionally Finn joins her, and they walk and chat, but Rey prefers the solitude as it also comes with the freedom to roam far and wide without accounting for the safety or physical abilities of another person. Accustomed to a life of walking and tracking, she feels like a caged animal within the confines of the Base. 

Rey is wandering outside the western side of the Base in the early afternoon, admiring all the different plants and enjoying the solitude when she spies the pond the first time. It’s big and clear and doesn’t look too deep. Before she can properly think about what she’s doing, she’s dropped her quarterstaff, stripped out of most of her layers, and is running into the water in just her beige small-clothes.

She’s laughing and crying and trying to drink the water all at the same time. It’s cool - but not cold - and clean and clear and wonderful. It’s not solid - she knows that, of course - but she can feel the weight of its presence as it envelopes her splashing, flailing form. She pushes through the gentle resistance into the body of the pond. Who knew this was what she’d really been missing out on, all that time on Jakku! The floor of the pond is made of smooth grey stones, hard but not troublesome under her feet, and she splashes forward, stopping to run her fingers through the slight resistance the water gives. 

She keeps going, dunking her head - her whole body under the water - and rears up coughing when water slips up her nose and down her throat in a way that feels wrong. Snot runs down her chin and her hair is tangled and plastered against her skull. 

Rey steps forward once more and suddenly the pond is much deeper than she had thought and her whole body sinks below the surface. Her toes barely graze the stones at the bottom and she has no leverage with which to push herself back up. She panics as water rushes into her nose and mouth, streaming down her throat into her belly, her lungs. Rey chokes and claws her hands towards the surface. Her legs kick wildly, throwing her head above the water for a moment so short she only has time to splutter and drag in a wet breath before the water pulls her back down. 

Her lungs burn and every time she opens her mouth to cough water out, more spills in, forcing her to swallow. Her vision starts to darken at the edges but she can’t call for help. The water is everywhere and she’s falling. 

-

A muffled voice. Her… name? Darkness. Chest pain. Pain. Brightness. “Rey! Rey! Come back to us! Rey!” 

Rey lurches upright out of the hands holding her shoulders and vomits water and bile all over herself and the people kneeling next to her. Coughing, she dry retches the last of it, and sucks in painful breaths of cool air. Blinking dully she realises that Finn is crouching in front of her, his face scrunched up with concern. Jess is kneeling to her right, and Rey can’t help but flinch when her pilot friend places a comforting hand on her shoulder. But she doesn’t move away. 

To her left squats a golden-skinned man with dark hair. The lines around his dark eyes are tight with worry. Who is he? 

“Rey,” Finn begins softly, resting his hand on her knee warmly, “are you okay?”

Okay? Her mind sluggishly evaluates her body. There’s a deep sort of soreness in her chest and her throat aches and stings with her breathing. Her limbs feel heavy and waterlogged, and a chill seems to be working its way through her body. She doesn’t seem to have any cuts, and all of her bones are intact.

“I’m fine, thank you, my friend.” Rey rasps out. A small device at the dark-haired man’s hip starts trilling and he gives Jess a wry twist of his mouth both very like and very unlike a smile.

“I’ve got to run, are you guys okay to handle her?” His voice is deep and he speaks with softly rounded vowels. 

“Go, we’ll let you know later.” Jess waves him away with her free hand. “I’m on an RDO and Finn’s free too.”

“Thanks Testor,” the man says, already on his feet. Rey doesn’t turn to look because she’s feeling abruptly queasy, but she hears him jog off.

“Do you think you’re good to stand up?” Finn tilts his head as he asks Rey, patting her knee gently. 

Rey manages to push herself into a low crouch before she vomits again, more warm water and acrid bile flooding out of her and onto the ground. Neither Jess nor Finn flinch away, though they’re both already covered in her mess. 

“Okay we’re going to help you stand,” Jess says in her ear as Rey pants with the exertion of emptying her stomach contents a second time. Jess loops an arm under Rey’s right armpit and Finn does the same on her left. “Right, three… two… one.” Rey does try her best to stand, but her legs feel heavy and boneless and she’s fairly sure Finn and Jess are supporting most (all) of her weight. 

“My… my…” Rey gets out, “clothes.” 

“Finn, hold her for a moment.” Rey is being moved around between the two of them but can’t bring herself to lift a finger. Then, she is resting bodily against Finn, his arms curled tightly around her. He is so warm and solid and Rey unconsciously pushes closer to seek more of his heat. 

Finn unwraps from around Rey when Jess returns with her clothes and her quarterstaff. He holds her upright while Jessika quickly, though not without some difficulty, dresses her. Her clothes feel too tight - the dry fabric clings to her wet skin. 

“Right, Rey,” Jess looks searchingly at Rey’s face, “we’re going to get you back to your room, then take off these clothes again - they’re filthy - and you’re going to have a hot shower while Finn goes to get you something to eat.” Rey manages a weak nod. 

“Why do I have to go get the food?” Finn wraps his arm under Rey’s armpit again. “I don’t want to leave her alone.” 

“Because I’m going to watch over her while she showers in case she falls.” Jess sends him a pointed look that Rey would have laughed at if she didn’t feel like a half-drowned fool. 

-

Rey, with the strength of her two first friends supporting her, manages to get back to her quarters without too much difficulty. Finn leaves them inside her rooms to find her a hot meal and Jess, with the same efficiency that she dressed Rey, undresses her. Rey tenses for a moment, embarrassed, and its the first real emotion she’s been able to show since she blacked out. 

“Don’t worry, Rey, I’m not interested in you like that.” Jess pats her on the arm. “I’m not interested in anyone like that.” Rey blinks. “But if you want, leave your smalls on and take them off when you get in the shower.” Rey watches Jess for a moment. The woman’s face holds only honesty and concern. She shakes her head, so Jess helps her into the shower and shuts the frosted glass door.

Rey shucks off her wet small-clothes and drapes them over the top of the shower wall. The hot spray that comes out of the shower head sears her chilled, pale skin, and Rey shivers into it, lets it warm her. 

“You still good in there?” Jess asks. Through the opaque glass, Rey can make out the other woman’s form leaning against the sink. 

The hot water bleeds strength back into Rey’s limbs and she hums an affirmative. 

“Okay, I’m going to go get you some fresh clothes, but I’ll leave the door open.” She watches Jess’ blurry form enter Rey’s room. The same blur returns very quickly. “You don’t have any clothes.”

“No, just what I had on Jakku.” Rey decided she should actually shower and reaches for the soap. She can’t see Jess’ face aside from a pale gold blob but she knows that the blob is frowning.

“You good to get out and dry yourself off and then sit still for a few minutes?” She asks, which Rey knows means Jess has had an idea.

“Yeah,” she feels better already, lighter and stronger, not so waterlogged.

-

It turns out that Finn returns before Jess does. Rey has showered and wrapped herself in the largest towel she could find under her and Jess’ sink. Her hair curls damply over her shoulders. She is flushed and warm from the hot water. Jess has left Rey’s quarterstaff leaning against the wall by the door. It’s too far for Rey to reach quickly in an attack, but she finds herself relaxing when Finn enters through her door.

Finn looks surprised to see Rey, sitting on her bed. She smiles to see her friend. 

“I brought you food. It’s just tomato soup and some fresh bread.” Rey smiles even wider, her stomach growling. Fresh bread, made from real ingredients, cooked in a real oven. Pain shoots through her abdomen as she realises just how hungry she is.

“Thank you,” she says, and genuinely means it. Finn’s smile breaks like sunlight over his face as he hands her a small tray of food. 

Rey sniffs it carefully first, to make sure, then hunches over her meal and devours it, savouring the yeasty warmth of the fresh bread and the gentle tang of the tomatoes in the soup. She barely notices that Finn sits next to her on her bed. The heat that the shower replaced on her outside fills her insides through the warm food. She’s so hungry, and the food is gone in a span of moments. 

Jessika returns with BB-8 in tow and a pile of clothes just as Rey scrapes the last dregs of soup from her bowl with scraps of bread. 

[Rey is okay?] BB-8 beeps at her, swivelling his robot face up to her.

“I’m fine, thanks BB,” Rey smoothes her fingers over his antenna, adjusting a slight warp along it. “That’s what you really wanted isn’t it?” BB-8 trills out a laugh in a series of fast beeps. 

“Put these on, first.” Jess says. “We can work out the other stuff later.” Rey licks the crumbs off her fingers and reaches out for the clothes Jess has indicated on the top of the pile. “These are pyjamas, for sleeping.” Rey nods and ducks into the bathroom to change, leaving the food tray on the narrow desk that came with her room.

The pyjamas are comprised of loose pants made of thin, blue cotton, and a grey sleeveless shirt made of a thicker, ribbed weave that clings to her skin. Both are softer than any clothes she's ever worn before, and Rey wonders why such clothes would only be for sleeping, not for always. 

“How did you guys know I was in trouble?” She asks as she emerges from the bathroom, having hung her towel to dry. 

“Skywalker was in the war room with us when he sensed you were in danger.” Jess said. “He didn’t come himself because he can’t swim very well.” 

“I don’t think that I know how to swim.” Rey says. “Is that where you stay above the water?”

“Kind of,” says Finn, “Basically what walking is to land, and flying is to air, that’s what swimming is to water.” He smiles up at her from where he sits on her bed and Rey can’t help but smile back.

“Can I learn it?” She asks.

“Of course you can!” A wide grin spreads across his face. “We’ll teach you!”


	3. there is rapture on the lonely shore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter jumps around a bit, but sets up some of the framework that i hope to build on in coming updates.  
> i'm amazed at the hits and kudos this has received, thank you all!  
> chapter title from 'there is pleasure in the pathless woods' by lord byron

Luke finds his selected solitude calming in a way that his largely lonely life on Tatooine had not been. He was once a restless young man, so eager to see, to find, to do, to learn. When all that had been - of his earnest self and of those he loved - was corrupted, he found himself unable to deal with the din of tasks, flight paths, strategies, comforting words, mess hall meals, clattering dinner trays, echoing voices, voices, voices. 

The ocean takes his breath away every morning. Emerging from the ancient structure he has found himself living in, he feels his heart stutter and his breath catch at the sight of the tall dynamism of the water, arcing and crashing against itself with such immense power and Force that Luke must remind himself to breathe. The girl’s arrival on the island hits him like one of those huge waves. Seeing her face, he is shoved back, pulled under deep water and held by the force of unrelenting current, and can’t seem to work out how to surface. She fumbles at her belt and then stretches out his lightsaber - Anakin’s lightsaber - and it’s as though another fragment of ocean has rolled over him. 

“It’s Rey, by the way,” she says as he leads her into the ruins he finds himself living in. “My name.” 

“Luke.”

“I know.” She says simply, without pretension. “Chewie is here too.” 

“I know.” Luke pulls over a small stool for her and when she sits on it, he knees rise up nearly to her shoulders. 

“I’m supposed to bring you back, to General Organa.” Rey fiddles with part of her cloth garb though she meets his eyes unflinchingly. 

“That, I didn’t know.” Rey cracks a small smile, really more of a twitch at one corner of her mouth. 

“Han Solo was murdered,” Rey’s voice wavers. Luke feels as though the whole ocean has stalled him, and the girl’s voice fades, his ears muffled and his eyes filling with salt water. “By Kylo Ren.” The earth tremors slightly, under their feet, in time with Luke’s fluttering heart.

Han. Han. Han. Han. Han. Han. Han. Han. Han. Han. Leia.

“I will come back with you.” 

-

Rey waits while Luke collects some of his more precious belongings, but most of the manifestations of his simple existence on the island (stools, a low table, a small stove) remain in the strange, old stone ruins. Soon, she anticipates, they’ll all be swallowed by the ocean - there’s something hungry about the water here, it steals her breath every time she looks at it, and still seems to demand more. 

When Luke enters the Falcon, he greets Chewie with a long, gentle hug, before making a beeline for the cockpit. Rey and Chewbacca follow more slowly, and come to the entrance of the pilot’s space to see Luke sitting in Han’s old seat, hunched over the controls. He’s weeping quietly, tears streaking down his cheeks and into his beard. Under warm pressure on her shoulder from Chewie, Rey allows herself to be guided away from the crying man. 

The journey back to the Base is quick, once Luke extricates himself from the cockpit with softly-spoken apologies. Rey has little time to collect herself before she’s face-to-face with the General, bearing her long-absent brother back from a distant island. She’s not sure what General Organa says to her, but still finds the hug she receives strangely comforting.

Finn is there, waiting for her, and Jess, and they both surround her with questions that she works through until they release her back to her quarters. Rey’s head rings with the speed of it all. For more than a decade, she remained on one planet, watching one desert and one sky that didn’t seem to be watching back. And suddenly, in the space of what feels like moments, she left the Base, found Luke Skywalker, and has returned him to his sister and is back on Base. Dizzy with the thought of it, she washes her face in the bathroom she shares with Jess and methodically - following the exact steps Jessika had demonstrated to her on that first night - Rey brushes her teeth with the green toothbrush. 

-

When he meets her properly for the first time, shortly after the incident in the water, Poe decides that Rey has the eyes of a hunter. They are sharp and keen and brown and very, very observant. Her eyes flick over him rapidly when he stops in front of her, and the tiny hairs on the back of Poe’s neck prickle when he realises she’s picking out the weakest points on his body. He tenses, knowing that she's supposedly Force-sensitive. He’s not had a good time with Force-sensitive people recently. 

Rey’s gaze jumps over his head to note the exit behind him. Her posture is guarded and her expression equally as shuttered. Her quarterstaff rests against her shoulder, and her languid grip on it belies calluses that speak of it being a well-used tool. 

Poe, remembering his mother’s teachings, smiles widely at her and introduces himself: “Poe Dameron. You’re Finn’s friend, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, you’re the pilot, aren’t you?” Poe notes her voice is surprisingly warmer than her body language. He nods his head, brushing back the thick lock of hair that falls over his eyes with the movement. 

“I hear you also like flying.” A tiny smile cracks across her face. 

“I hear you know a few things about X-wings.” He laughs, properly. Her smile grows. 

“And I may have heard that you’ve got an interest in them.” 

“I’m interested in all the things I haven’t flown before.” Her eyes crinkle at the corners, just a tiny bit, but Poe’s smile grows.

“And what have you flown?” He asks.

Her expression folds slightly as a sheepish scrunch of her nose and twist of her mouth drops years off her face and Poe realises just how young she is. “Mostly just the Falcon. And a piece of junk on Jakku that wasn’t worth the scraps it was made from.” He coughs out a startled laugh. He’s heard the stories about her, and they don’t correlate to an amateur flier. Her cheeks pink just the tiniest bit and he thinks, oh.

“Come by tomorrow afternoon,” he invites her, pretending her eyes aren’t as closed off as they are. “I’ll show you around my machine.” And with a wink he moves past her.

-

Poe does his best to think as little about the Force and all of its physical and metaphysical implications as possible. His hands shake and shudder still, sometimes.

“So you haven’t started training?” He asks Rey idly one afternoon as she’s fiddling with something in the belly of the Falcon and he lounges near her. He likes his Rostered Days Off. She grunts. He can’t see her, where she’s off tinkering, but he can hear her through the metal grate floor of the ship. 

“I haven’t asked.”

“Why not? Don’t you want to become a Jedi master and have complete control over the Force?” His words are jesting but Poe can’t deny the way his ribcage seems to tighten at the thought of what that could mean for Rey, for him, for Finn, for innocent lives should she choose a - 

“I don’t want to bother him when he’s grieving for Han and catching up on everything he’s missed with his own sister.” Poe finds the ache in his chest ease slightly at her words, sad as they are. “I can wait.”

“Yeah, well, at least come down to the training yards and have a spar with that big stick of yours sometime today.” He stretches languidly. She grunts again, this time with a short laugh attached. Poe rolls to his feet. “Whenever you finish up, whatever. I’ll probably already be down there with Pava.”

“You mean you’re planning on getting your arse kicked twice this afternoon?”


	4. it's always the moment just before the gunshot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this isn't a particularly light chapter, but gives a little more insight into finn. be warned: there is a possibly disturbing description of swimming with people who have drowned. if this will be upsetting for you, skip the second chunk of writing and proceed directly from the first to the third.  
> chapter title taken from 'flying inside your own body' by margaret atwood

“Can we go swimming today?” Rey asks. She and Finn are finishing up repairs on a badly damaged astromech, a small blocky thing that chatters constantly in a droidspeak similar to BB-8’s. Well, Rey is finishing up repairs on the badly damaged astromech. 

Finn is working with some sort of mathematical diagram. It hovers above the tablet that rests on his knees, and he manipulates it with his fingers. It swirls and warps as he hunches to type lines of numbers on the surface of the tablet. The blue glow of the hologram casts Finn’s face into sharp relief against the otherwise fairly dim lighting of the shed Rey has turned into a makeshift workshop; his brow is furrowed deeply in concentration as his bright eyes flick over various parts of the diagram. 

“Finn?” He’s totally absorbed in the hologram and doesn’t notice Rey’s queries until she flicks a bolt at him and it rebounds off his knee. 

“Hey!” He glances to her and pauses with his fingers curled in midair at her raised eyebrows. “What is it?”

“I asked, can we go swimming today?” 

“Oh!” Finn’s face spreads into a wide smile. “You really want to learn today?” Rey nods, twirling a small wrench between her fingers. 

“This bot is nearly done.” Finn nods, spinning the hologram in front of him idly. 

“When you’re done, we can grab Jess and Poe and head out.” Rey smiles at the mention of her new friends. Jess is always a delight, and Rey feels more comfortable around other people when Jess is with her, sparkling and laughing. Though she’s still not entirely sure what to make of Poe, the man who walks smoothly but whose hands shake. His face is kind, but his eyes haunted. She wonders about him. 

[I nearly finished?] the little droid asks. Rey smiles down at its face.

“Nearly, just hold still for a moment.” She tightens a few things deep in the small robot’s belly, and shuts its compartment. Giving it a quick wipe with an oiled rag, Rey pats its head. “All done, now off you go back to the General to see what she’d have you do this afternoon.” The little droid beeps its thanks as it wheels out of her workshop. 

Finn closes the diagram in front of him a the swish of his fingers. He’s so elegant, yet doesn’t seem to even notice it. Rey admires the graceful planes and curves of his hands as he tucks the tablet under some papers on a small desk he rolled into the shed shortly after Rey had claimed it. He’s so beautiful and he doesn’t even realise. Things glow around him and he doesn’t notice apart from to comment on them as though their brightness was of their own volition, rather than a response to his nature. When Rey focuses, she sees the Force flow like liquid gold around him. She loses her breath sometimes, watching him do simple things. She is a fool, she thinks.

“I’ll work on that again when I’m back here.” He smiles at her, eyes gleaming with contentment. Rey smiles back. 

-

Rey, Finn thinks, did not actually want to swim this afternoon. She was clearly more determined to ensure her own survival, which on planets other than Jakku, often involve swimming. She very obviously does not want to do the part of learning to swim that actually involves swimming. 

In fairness, not all start out by drowning alone (his memories are filled with drowning together), and sorrow bites into his chest when she trembles at her feet touching the edge of the pond. He should have been there for her, to help her. She turns to look at him suddenly, and her eyes glow fiercely behind a thin layer of tears. Her expression is somehow both desperately happy and completely terrified. Finn thinks he’s never wanted happiness for another creature as much as he does for her. 

“So let’s just wade in a little bit.” She nods at him, biting her lip and closing her eyes briefly. Finn is struck by the image of her, barely clothed and with that face, and it makes him want nothing more than to get himself into the cold water as fast as possible. Jessika is on the other side of Rey, equally as unclothed and several times less concerned. She reaches out to grip Rey’s hand. Finn is the only one to notice as Rey’s eyes flutter while she resists the instinct to flinch. 

Poe is swimming lazy laps of the water, having dropped his clothes the first of all the members in the group. Finn didn’t realise that pilots (certainly both he and Jessika) wore orange underwear. The man gleams like gold in the pond, the water that glitters off him is only marginally brighter than his own skin. He waves encouragingly to Rey from across the water, and she manages a brave smile and begins marching more than wading into the water. 

Jess still has a tight hold on Rey’s hand but by the time they reach hip-height, they can all see how badly Rey is shaking. Finn remembers how many of his fellow soldiers died on the first day of swimming lessons. Having to swim breaststroke looking down at the sightless faces of his friends. Having to turn away from them to learn backstroke. There was no room for weakness in the First Order. But, he breathes deeply, there is room for weakness here. He will be gentle where he was taught only to be harsh. 

Wading forward quickly, he rubs his hand softly over Rey’s exposed shoulder. His palm tingles lightly where he touches her. Her pale skin is already freckling under the sun, small brown dots like tiny kisses on her skin. 

“You’re doing great, Rey.” He says, smiling into her face. Jess and Poe both make agreeable noises. There is no fear in her eyes, her face is shuttered to them all, but the way she shivers and the rapidness of her breathing tells a complete story. “So, now Jess and I are going to support you, and you’re going to learn to float.” Finn hears Poe shout supportively as Rey leans into his arms. 

 

-

“You did so great!” Poe crows as they dry and dress under the sinking sunlight. Rey hides a smile but can’t hide the way her ears and neck pink slightly. She shrugs on some of the clothes Jess has found for her - a tight, ribbed tank and loose pants. The dark grey of both items suits her pale skin, now more concentratedly freckled than earlier in the afternoon. 

In the space of only a few hours, Rey mastered the act of floating. And, though she swallowed a fair bit of water doing it, she managed a fair to middling dog-paddle without help towards the end of the afternoon.

“I’m going to sleep so well tonight.” Jess sighs, stretching languidly. They all laugh with her, for different reasons. 

-

Finn is always ready for the bad news, for the proverbial shoe to drop. He’s constantly readying himself to hear that, no, this time Poe really died. That the bastard Ren has bested Rey and left her brutalised and destroyed. That the General wants him tried for war crimes. That he can’t find his family. That he never had one. 

When he sleeps, his dreams are filled with faces. The faces of his fellow soldiers, friends about whom he knew nothing. Not truly. They were never allowed. Faces of his present friends, sometimes happy and laughing, other times angry and cruel, and at the worst times totally expressionless. Very occasionally, there are faces that appear before him that he can never fully grasp. Almost indescribable, he’s been unsuccessful every time he’s attempted to draw their likenesses, even fresh from one of those dreams.

That’s the dream he’s having tonight. A woman with dark skin and light eyes, who seems half swallowed by sunlight, smiles down at him. A man with a thick curly beard and eyes Finn can’t remember even as he’s looking at them, brushes the top of Finn’s head with a hand covered in golden rings. The sounds around him are soft and muffled, but filled with life and light. 

He always wakes up crying from that dream. Big, helpless, desperate sobs that leave him hollowed out and sore-throated. He hopes, with every single thread that makes him up, that they’re his family but the hard, bitter kernel inside his chest says that they don’t exist and that they’ve never existed. Finn doesn’t know. He doesn’t know anything about them, not even really what they look like. 

He thinks it would be nice to have a family, though.


	5. meshes of fire, some great fish breaks at times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short but hey  
> chap title from 'caliban upon setebos' by robert browning

Poe has always preferred breaststroke. And no, not just because of its name. He used to swim almost daily in the oxbow lake cut off from the main river near his childhood home. Brightly coloured fish still lived in the water, and annual flooding would connect the two waterways for the little creatures to mate, spawn, die. That was the only time he wasn't allowed to swim in the water, but he would climb the low-hanging trees, arched over the river, to watch the flashes of colour beneath the water. His mother would still scold him, "Hijo your antics will kill me one day!" and his father would page through an interplanetary marine reference guide with him in the evenings. He can identify most all the fish by the time he's nine. The angeles del mar with their huge winglike fins (though they are freshwater fish who never reach the ocean in their lives) are his favourite as they fly (glide?) gracefully in the water. There are no fish in the lake here, but Poe still indulges in afternoon swimming after drills. 

He doesn't expect to see Rey out in the water alone. For one it's a beautiful day and he'd have expected more people to be taking advantage of the water, though he supposes it's a bit more out of the way than the pool in the training building. But that pool is so small! And inside! 

For two, Poe is surprised to see Rey because they've only had three swimming lessons together. Finn and Pava spent hours guiding her from a desperate doggy paddle to something akin to breaststroke. Pava had a mission last week when Finn and Poe showed Rey the beginning of a freestyle stroke. And here she is, taking in laps of the pond like a creature of the water. Her speed in the freestyle, beyond her determination which appears a given in all her pursuits, is what startles Poe into dropping his towel. On some planets, the different nations host global competitions to see who can swim the fastest. The idea of that as sport always seemed boring to Poe when futbol existed, but watching Rey in the water, a bright fluid thing, he's reminded of the fish in the oxbow. If Rey were competing he thinks he wouldn't mind watching.

Poe eases into the water after stripping most of his gear off. He approaches Rey slowly, stopping well away from her form pacing across the water before he calls out. It takes a few tries for her to hear him, but when she does she kicks upright, surprised. He feels stupid, because he knows she is not a wild animal, but he swims slowly towards her, stretching out his strokes languidly as the water holds him. She grins at him as they come face to face, both bobbing gently in the water. 

"You've taken to the water like... a fish to water." Poe laughs at his own dumb joke as he greets her.

"I've never heard that expression before." Rey admits. Her eyes are light, curious. But there's still something oddly closed off, as though she were waiting for someone and didn't really want to be disturbed.

"I can't imagine it would be a particularly useful turn of phrase on Jakku." Poe quips. Reys eyes flicker. Ah, there it is.

"Was it useful on the planet you grew up on?" 

"I grew up on a moon, Yavin 4." Poe says. "And yes, there was water everywhere. Tropical climate and all." 

"I don't know if I could do the humidity." Rey responds, twisting to float on her back beside him. Tiny glittering droplets of water stream over her chest and shoulders, a little pooling in the hollow at the base of her throat. Poe swallows.

"It's better for your skin than a dry heat." Ugh. In that moment he wants to stop floating and sink to the bottom of the pond, never to be seen again. Pilot, drowned by his own humiliation. But Rey doesn't even seem to notice. 

"We should all go sometime."

 

-

 

When Poe dreams that night, it's of his time in captivity. He dreams of a monster rifling violently through his memories, most cherished, most awkward, most painful, most boring, most hilarious, most formative. Tonight, though the monster has Rey's face on Kylo Ren's body. It's quite absurd, and perhaps a little funny to an awake Poe, but sleeping Poe finds no humour in an expressionless Rey tearing through his head as though it were made of paper. 

He wakes with a start, sweaty and tangled in his sheets. He makes himself a cup of tea. On his tablet Poe opens up a digital copy of the marine guide he and his father used to read. Poe doesn't sleep the rest of the night. 


End file.
